Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Desire of Our Hearts: The Introduction

I can't say as though I woke up one morning as said "Ah ha! I have found my desire." I can't even say that I knew my desire was even beginning to dawn on me or settle in my heart. I do, however, remember crying out to God. Show me my destiny! What is my purpose? I know I was created for something more than I am doing, created to be someone more than I am. What is it, Lord? Who am I to be? This was about two years ago.

Just a picture of my two favorite boys for some visual enjoyment!
As Ben and I continued to do life, there came a point where we both realized that these things we valued, these things we discussed on our walks with the dog, these things that really got us excited, gave us hope--these were the desires of our hearts! And that was so exciting. Once we finally came to this realization, we realized that this desire was also our destiny. And that still gives me chills. Each day we excitedly thank God for our destinies and trust that we are one day closer to their realization. A visiting speaker at our church once said that "if God gave you a promise, and things don't look like that promise--then hold on tight, because change is about to happen!" Change is coming our way. Big change. Exciting change. SUPERNATURAL change. And I can't wait.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The smell of Fall is in the air

I am so excited about the cool, crisp mornings and chilly evening air. I love the smell of leaves and the wet, dew-drenched grass. The crisp, clean scent of fresh air. Ruddy cheeks and the invigoration of a little extra exertion on that chilly morning run. Jeans, sweatshirts--comfy clothes! Open windows blowing the intoxicating Fall air through my home. The smell of baking bread, because now the warmth from the oven is welcomed. The beautiful sea of colorful leaves and the bright, warm glare from the sun. And this year, it's going to be even better. Because there's something special and exciting about sharing my favorite season with my baby boy! He is so curious and he loves the outdoors. I tingle with excitement as I daydream about all the adventures we will have this Fall. And I smile as I watch him discover each new treasure Mother Nature has graciously provided for our enjoyment.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

And then there were tears...

Yesterday was my first "real" day back to work, as I had to drop the babe off at his Grammy's house. After Thursday, I thought I was good to go. In the clear. But as we pulled into Grammy's driveway, I began to realize that I was not as good as I thought. After getting the babe in the house and unpacking him and his things, I handed him over to my mom. Oh the pain that tore through my heart! And it was just my mom, people! I am so thankful and blessed not to have to have handed him to a total stranger! I kept finding things I needed to tell my mom, and then coming back and pinching his cheeks and kissing him, and back and forth. Until finally, I lost it. Then my mom lost it. Then came the tearful embrace. Then my mom kicked me out of the house so that I wouldn't be too late for work. As soon as I got in the car, I called Ben. "Hello?" "inhale...bigger inhale...quicker, more furious inhale....waaaahaaaahaaaahaaa...quivering inhale....waaahaaaaahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He assured me that I am a wonderful mother and that I was not abandoning my sweet boy. That it was going to be okay. That he would support me if I decided to stay home with Burke fulltime. Cry out to God, he said. Listen for His answer. And I did. And while I still haven't heard any answers, He did fill me with incredible peace to get through the day. My mascara was only slightly streaked when I pulled into work, although I couldn't do much to hide my red, puffy eyes and nose. But once I was there and busy with work, I was okay. Missed my boy like crazy. Hated to be away from him. But I knew, that for now at least, I could do it.

The encouragement I needed to get through my day came when my mom told me that she was going through her emails with a tired and fussy Burke on her lap and came to an email from me. She opened the email and played the attached video--a video of Burke rolling over. His new favorite trick. She said that he perked up when he heard my voice, so she played it again for him. She said that he got so happy that second time when he heard my voice again! Thank God! That was just what I needed to hear!

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Ten years ago devastation hit our nation. I was walking to my first class of the day at Elizabethtown College when I heard the news. It didn't sink in. It couldn't be real. Our country was impregnable. It was simply impossible. And yet, instead of discussing Thoreau, I watched, dumbfounded, as the reality of this tragedy played out before my eyes on the television at the front of the classroom. And then one by one, my classmates dismissed themselves or showed up late with streaked faces stained by just the first of many tears--they couldn't get in touch with their families back home. Her uncle worked at the World Trade Center. Their families lived in the City. Somerset, Pennsylvania? That was really close to home! And mercifully, classes were cancelled although students lingered because the silence of being alone with this news was just too noisy. Our security had been breached. We had been violated. Would we recover?

(Photo: 2001 The Record (Bergen County, N.J.) Thomas E. Franklin)
But our nation was built on a love relationship with a most gracious, loving God. And as I watched the touching pre-game ceremony at the Eagles/Rams game just a few minutes ago, I was reminded of the humbling truth: "For God so loved the world..." In just ten years, He has swept up our nation in the most passionate bearhug possible and has just poured out love and peace on broken hearts. He has healed our broken nation. Redeemed it. Because He loves us so!

New York City Commemorates 10th Anniversary Of 9-11 Terror Attacks
Getty Images
What an incredible love that is. I am humbled by it and so thankful for it! And I thank God every day for giving me a son so that I can get a glimpse at just how fierce and unconditional it really is. I love Burke with every fiber of my being. My love for him grows stronger every day. And yet I know that God loves me even more deeply than I love Burke. Amazing!

Go Eagles!

Friday, September 9, 2011

And my first day back to work...

went WELL! Praise the Lord for showing such love in the midst of natural disasters and inner turmoil! With all of the flooding in our area due to Tropical Storm Lee, the schools were closed yesterday and Ben was able to stay home with Burke. Knowing that my boy was home with his daddy was the best possible way for me to head off to work for that dreaded first day.

I headed out the door with optimism, as I knew I would be able to come home at lunch to see my boy. Just a few hours...and time with his daddy! Fortunately, I kept busy at work on that first day so that all in all I must say it was as good as a day can be when away from my loves. But I am so thankful that I am home with my man today. So much to enjoy!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

To My Darling Burke: Three Months

Wow! It's so hard to believe that you are already three months old! Everyone was right when they told me that time really flies once you have children. This has been the best three months of my life. This month, you really started coming into your own. Your little personality started to blossom and continues to do so each new day.

You are still as joyful and jolly as ever--such a good boy! You love to smile and talk. You are quite loud at times with all that "talking." But it's music to my ears, Bug. I'll never forget that sweet sound. Some of your favorite moments are spent babbling away, naked as a jay bird. In fact, "naked hiney time" (as it's been dubbed here in our household) contents you in those rare moments you just can't help being fussy--usually right before bedtime.

This month, you slept for eight hours straight--and you did it a few times! That was the best birthday present you gave Mama. Usually, you sleep about 6-8 hours at a time and then go back down for another 3-4 least once. You LOVE your sleep! (Mama did get the "Best Napper" award in kindergarten, Love. So you've come by it honestly). You also really really found those hands of your's. What started as a curious taste has now blossomed into how-many-fingers-or-fists-can-I-shove-into-my-mouth-at-once! Usually, though, you end up sucking your thumb and index finger, and ocassionally your middle finger slips in there too. But then you end up gagging yourself, causing the contents of your chubby belly to vacate.

During playtime, you get sooo close to rolling over. You get yourself on your side and even get your top leg flipped over. But you just haven't been able to quite figure out what to do with that bothersome arm that seems to prevent you from making the move. So, you usually wiggle yourself around your playmat in that position while sucking those chubby fingers.

You are so strong, Burke! While you are still too small for your exersaucer, we make it work for you with pillows and blankets, because you just love to practice standing on your own.

And you have started to enjoy sitting up in your Bumbo seat. You try your hardest to sit up on your own, but those ab muscles still betray you when the time comes. You'll get there, Love. Don't rush it!

And finally, my love, one of the most amazing discoveries you have made this month is toys. All of a sudden you notice those colorful, noisy objects that obstruct your view. And you gaze at them with curiousity, concentration and delight. This discovery has even made our car rides ever so slightly more enjoyable, as you are distracted for a moment or two by the silly duck that dangles from your car seat.

I love you, Bug! Each month gets more exciting as I watch you discover this big world. Thank you for giving me a pure, innocent and fresh perspective through which to see our life. I do love every moment!