Remembering Burke’s Birth

I’ve had almost a year to think again and again about the day that forever changed my life. {You can read my initial reflections in Burke’s Birth Story here} 

And each time I revisit that day, I am more and more drawn to the task of analyzing how it could have been different.

How maybe…if the labor and delivery ward was not a swarming zoo of excited and anxious mama’s-to-be {I got the very last delivery room at 7:30 that morning}…

 if there weren’t sixteen billion scheduled c-sections that took my doctor’s priority {even though they told me that if I needed to be induced, I would not be a priority}…

if there was actually a doctor and a midwife on duty like they told me there always would be {there was just a doctor…and he was busy}…

if they had just taken two seconds to break my water when I first arrived very actively in labor and already 5 cm dilated {it only took 3 hours for me to go from 5 to 10 once they finally broke my water at 1 o’clock in the afternoon}…

Maybe, just maybe, I would have delivered my sweet boy naturally, without the need for my abdomen to be ripped apart.

And maybe, just maybe, my labor would have been cut in half.

And maybe, just maybe, my little warrior’s heart rate would not have been so distressed as a result of the shorter labor.

And maybe, just maybe, with less fighting and a more stable blood sugar level, my perfect boy would not have had his soft brand-new little heel pricked over, and over, and over again for four days straight.

And maybe, just maybe, I would never have had to experience the excruciating heartbreak of hearing my son’s sad screams with each prick to his heel, with each unnecessary drop of blood.

And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have dreaded each feeding knowing that it meant more pain for my precious child.

And maybe, just maybe, we would have had a different nurse on duty the night he had three good blood sugar levels in a row—a nurse who actually followed directions. But instead we got the nurse that decided on her own that a fourth heel prick was necessary, just for insurance, against my wishes, and he tanked. So we started all over that fourth day…

But this isn’t the story that I remember whenever I hear that a new baby has been born. In these times {which occur more often than the others}, I inevitably get all choked up and shed new tears of joy. Joy for the new parents. And joy as I remember meeting my little man for the first time fifty weeks ago.

Because this remembrance doesn’t account for the details leading up to his arrival or even the traumatic ones shortly thereafter.

This remembrance is limited only to him. My perfect boy. My little lover. My firstborn. And the day that my family became three.

The joy of becoming a parent is indescribable and unfathomable. I wish it upon everyone who's willing, because nothing—nothing—will ever be quite like it. Nothing can ever prepare your heart to love as much as becoming a parent. And nothing can rival the inescapable miracle that is this: I wake up each day with even more love in my heart for my son than the day before.

And now, as we are about to say goodbye to infancy and open the chapter on toddlerhood, one look at my goofy, loveable, take-the-bull-by-the-horns kind of guy assures me that nothing else matters. Not the labor, the c-section, not even the painful heel pricks. None of that matters now. He’s as full-of-life as they come. He is not molded by the details of his entry into this world, but by the love that we show him. The examples we set. The things that we teach him. And the world that we give him. He’s got so much ahead of him. So many blessings. So much love. The whole world is his. And so far, he’s razzle dazzling us all each step of the way!

{Now give Ken Bruggeman some love by heading over to his website to check out the rest of Burke’s birth story as well as his other spectacular galleries!}

To My Darling Burke: Five & Six Months

My goodness! Can you really be six months old already? Time sure does fly, little one! What a wonderful six months it has been...and it just keeps getting better and better. You have really started showing us just who you are--your personality is developing daily and you never cease to amuse us with your silly antics!

 

That open mouth, slobbery smile has become your trademark. And those 2 little bottom teeth have really come in now. You also have two new residents in your gummy little mouth, as your top two center teeth are poking through your gums. Your right one came in just before you turned 6 months old and the left one followed the next week. Unfortunately, you have been in considerable discomfort due to teething, which breaks Mama & Daddy's hearts. We hate to see you suffer, but do what we can to help. The good news is, you won't remember even one moment of the terrible rite of passage. 

A week or two after you turned 5 months old, we decided to try introducing you to baby rice cereal just at dinnertime. You were still waking up for a feeding at that point, and the doctor told me to cut it out. So we thought that maybe a little cereal would fill your belly enough to make it the whole night. And it sure did! Ever since that first taste, you have eagerly awaited each meal and the anticipation of the next bite usually makes you very impatient! No sooner have you taken one bite when your mouth is open wide awaiting the next. At first, you tried to feed yourself--which I should have expected with you. You love to do everything yourself--you're very independent. Since you started eating food, you have consistently decided to sleep an average of 12 hours at night, which is amazing! You're a 7-7 kind of guy. Since that first taste, you have now tried butternut squash, carrots, peas, sweet potatoes and bananas. So far, you have enjoyed everything you have tried--all homemade!! 

 

Developmentally, this has been a busy and big two months for you, little man! You started to sit unassisted for short periods of time (like 30 seconds max) around five months. Since then, you have gone on to sit for minutes at a time by yourself, and you have learned to balance yourself when you start to wobble over to one side or the other. There are still times when before we can blink you've fallen over and knocked your head good on our hardwood floors (Mama & Daddy are REALLY sorry about this, Love!). It's times like this that we wish there was just a little bit of carpet in our house. Just recently, around six months, you have started to chase a toy from a sitting position to your belly/hands and knees. Just one step closer to crawling! Speaking of crawling, you have also learned how to get yourself pushed up onto your hands and knees. While you can do this, most of the time you're still trying to swim across the floor (kick your legs, wave your arms, and make lots of noise with great effort) and quickly get frustrated at the fact that you're going nowhere or backwards away from the toy you're trying to reach (or the dog...because you love to try to get him too!). 

Other firsts for you these past two months include:

 

Swinging on the swing at the park near our house

 

And picking out your first Christmas tree!

It has been another fun two months! We are so excited about each new day with you, Burke. We love you so much and continue to love you even more each day. (This is the miracle of parenthood that hopefully one day you'll get to experience). We can't wait to celebrate your first Christmas with you in just a few weeks! You are the cutest little elf we know!

Love,

Mama