Steps Toward Sustainability: Cloth Diapering

If you know me at all, then you probably know that I've mastered the art of sticking my foot in my mouth over the past 30 years. Or maybe it's more that I quickly proclaim I will NEVER... only to find myself doing that very thing I just swore never to do. {Tail between legs kind of moment} So while I'm sure I'll find myself in this position again at one point or another, I've really taken extra caution to avoid such comments since I've become a mama. {I hope I never hear myself say My kid would never... Seriously. Maim me if I do.}

Growing up as the oldest of 7 kids in a home parented by a rather old-fashioned perspective, I begrudged each diaper change since they involved those blasted diaper pins! My fingers were always the sacrificial pin cushion. I figured I'd probably get in trouble for pricking one sibling or another as I tried to get the diaper tight enough to do its job without getting it so tight that I couldn't fit the pin between the skin and the diaper, so I was better off just sucking it up and dealing with a few drops of selflessly-spilled blood. {I'm pretty sure I earned a LOT of jewels for my crown in heaven!} Needless to say, I confidently proclaimed quite a few times that I would NEVER use cloth diapers on my kids! Disposable diapers were much more civilized. And afterall, aren't we supposed to be making forward progress?

But there I was, expecting my first child and proudly announcing {like it had been my idea all along} that I would be using cloth diapers on my baby. And just as quickly, I also pointed out that I would not be using the dinosaurs of the past. No weapon-like hateful-looking diaper pins in my future, much to my husband's relief. No ugly rubber pants either! After a few months of researching cloth diapering options, we went with the Fuzzi Bunz all-in-one one-size diapers. Snaps instead of pins. Adjustable elastic around the legs and back to allow the diaper to fit 5 pounds all the way up to 35 pounds. And the best part was that they came in all sorts of brilliant colors with the colorful outer part acting as the "rubber pants" of old. 

Bonus: They double as a swim diaper!

We have had such a great experience with our Fuzzi Bunz and have made every skeptic a convert in the process. {My MIL's fear about having to change a cloth diaper when she watched our baby was slightly enjoyable. But even she now sings their praises.} Not only have we saved hundreds of dollars by not having to buy disposable diapers every week or month, but we feel good about the fact that we're not contributing bags full of stinky diapers to the landfill each week. On the rare occasions that we use disposable diapers, we have found that {contrary to our initial thinking} they end up stinking up our house so much more than the cloth. And, our son has not had a diaper rash even once in his 14 months. Our diapers don't look like they've been soiled after a good wash and the more they're washed, the softer they get.

Back in April, we participated in the the Great Cloth Diaper Change 2012 to see if we could beat the world record for the most simultaneous cloth diaper changes. Our local Fuzzi Bunz retailer, Heather Klinefelter at Growing Up Green, organized our local event which turned out approximately 30 participants. Overall, the world record was broken by 8,251 participants in 189 locations on 4 continents...over 3,000 more diaper changes than 2011. While the participants were all levels of crunchy {I mean this endearingly}--from way crunchy to not-so-crunchy {I thought I was pretty crunchy, but apparently I still have a way to go on my crunchiness}--it was nice to see that there are other mamas {and dads!} out there who have fallen in love with cloth diapering just as much as I have.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and/or experiences on cloth diapering!

To My Darling Burke: Four Months

Four months old. My, how time flies! And what a precious, most wonderful four months this has been. You had a break at the doctor's at three months, but back we went at four to see how you have grown. And you have grown! You are now just over 15 pounds and 25.25 inches long. In just four months, you've gone from the 10th percentile in weight to the 65th percentile; and in height, you grew almost seven long inches! I cannot believe that you were ever as small as pictures portray. I do not remember you growing bigger in my arms. And yet you have.

Dressed in a premie outfit for your hospital pictures

Now you're wearing 6 month clothing and will soon be into 9 month

This month had many "firsts" for you. At 13 weeks, you learned to roll from your back to your belly. Your playmat was no longer interesting to you, because just as soon as we'd lay you down to look up at your birdies, you'd roll over to your belly. Once there, you would root around a bit, get angry because you couldn't get yourself back over and then give up and cry until we would roll you back over. Then, the whole charade would repeat. And repeat. And repeat. You loved to practice this new trick!

Just one week later, you figured out how to roll the other way--from belly to back. This is how you wake up now. Mama and Daddy will often hear you in your crib just talking to yourself. And then we know that you have made the trip from belly to back and no longer have any interest in sleeping. But you are always so content. In fact, you can entertain yourself in your crib for quite a while now which is a big help when Mama and Daddy are getting ready for work in the mornings! I got you a mobile for your crib now, and you love to watch the bees go round and round.

It was around 15 weeks when I first heard the sound that will bring joy to my heart forever...you giggled! And it was music to my ears. Sometimes, you giggle for no real reason at all. You're just a happy boy. But other times, Mama and Daddy enjoy hearing you giggle when we kiss you under your chins or nibble kiss your belly.What a sweet, sweet sound!

 

Once Mama returned to work, you all of a sudden stopped taking naps. Sometimes you would still nap for me, but you would fight and fight and fight. You were so tired and yet you couldn't seem to settle yourself enough to rest. You also had terrible congestion during this time. During the night, Mama and Daddy would feel so bad for you because your nose was so stuffy that you could hardly breathe. You didn't even want your pacifier during those times. After about three weeks of no naps and congestion, though, your first tooth broke through the surface of those slimy gums! I had no idea you would get teeth so early. Not even four months old. The day that tooth came in, love, you were back to napping like a champ! Amazing. And then, one week later (around 17 weeks), your second tooth came in. Now you have your two bottom teeth and you look absolutely adorable. You still gnaw on everything you can get into that silly little mouth of yours, so I'm sure more teeth will soon follow. But you are certainly back to yourself these days and Mama just loves every moment!

It has been a fun and fast four months, Burke. I am already so proud of you--you are learning so much every day and delight in each new thing. Thank you for bringing such joy to our lives! We love you!!!

Love,

Mama

 

To My Darling Burke: The First Two Months

Dear Burke,

Your short little life has been packed full of exciting new things for both you and for Mama and Daddy. In your first month, you did a whole lot of growing. You grew nearly 3 inches and gained about 1.5 pounds!



About two weeks into your life I noticed that you started making tears. They still haven't rolled down your sweet cheeks, but when you cry (mostly in your car seat, which you are NOT fond of) your little eyes are very moist. It breaks my heart to hear you cry and I always feel guilty when you are in your car seat too long. You are just such an active boy, and have been from the start. You hate being confined--and I can't say as though I blame you.

You were about 3 weeks old when your belly button fell off. Daddy told me in the morning that it had fallen off sometime during the night, but he did not know where it was or when it had fallen off. (He does your diaper changes at night and then brings you to Mama to eat...such a good Daddy!). Well, I later found it in the lint trap of the dryer when I was doing your laundry (which for such a small person, you sure have a lot of), looking even more shriveled than before. Imagine a moldy raisin. No. I did not keep it.

Daddy said you gave him your first smile when you were three weeks old. But when I came to see this smile, you just cried. But we both witnessed you give away a big smile to a strange lady in the airport the very next day. From that day onward, you were one jolly boy, giving away many smiles to Mama, Daddy and anyone (or anything) else who caught your fancy!

It has been so fun to watch you grow, and observe, and laugh and talk. Each week you become more and more interactive, and you really are so happy in your waking hours!

You took your first airplane ride just two days before you turned 4 weeks old. And you did fabulous! We flew from Baltimore to Salt Lake City, UT so that Daddy could be the best man in his friend, Josh's, wedding.

You stole the show in your tuxedo onesie! The most handsome boy at the party. You also dazzled the flight attendants on our flight home. They were so nice to us and even had the whole flight crew sign a certificate memorializing your first flight! Just one month old and such a great little traveler.

You were just five weeks old when we drove nearly nine hours (overnight) to Myrtle Beach. While you are not fond of your car seat, you did great on this trip since we drove overnight. You were getting so much better at sleeping at night--sometimes 4-5 hours at a time! What a wonderful gift for Mommy and Daddy. We spent a week at the beach with Grammy and Pappy, Uncle Jonah, Aunt Moriah and Uncle Matthew.



Somewhere between six and seven weeks, you discovered your hands. And those chubby fists were at your mouth all the time after that. You began noticing your toys and even started batting at them during playtime. Playtime is never quiet with you, as you love to talk and coo and imitate the sounds we make. Such a bright and happy boy!

You are such a strong boy, too. We watched you push yourself up when on your tummy so that your eyes could look straight out. Such a strong neck! Daddy is very happy now that you can control your head and neck so well...he does not have to worry so much. You think you're bigger than you are, trying to sit up when reclining on the Boppy!

By eight weeks, Love, you were really tracking people and things and your dog boy, of course. You love to sit in your bouncy seat and play and talk to Mommy while I'm working in the kitchen and you follow me from the table to the counter and back again. So smart! And your Rutherford cannot leave your side. He loves you so much. You have really started noticing him these days and you watch him as he sniffs out crumbs under the table.

While you found your hands at 6-7 weeks, you really started studying them intensely around 8 weeks. They must be very interesting! And you found that cute little tongue too, because now you love to stick it out just for fun. You haven't slept through the night quite yet, Love, but it's mostly because you go to bed a little earlier than we do. You did sleep for seven hours the other night, which was so wonderful for Mommy and Daddy! With all that sleeping, you are growing so much! You grew another 1.5 inches (so now you're 23 inches long) and about 4 pounds. You weighed 11 pounds 11 ounces at your two month check-up! I love those little rolls of chub that are forming around your legs, arms and wrists. And those chins and cheeks are just irresistable, Burke. You are one handsome and abundantly loved little boy! Mama could not love you any more!

These past two months have been the best of our lives, Burke. Daddy and I are so blessed and love you so very very much. We thank Jesus for you every day and pray that you grow up to love Him and to fulfill the destiny He has for you. We pray that above all you love deeply, for that is the most important thing in this life. And I pray that we are able to show you just how deeply we love you, for it is simply a love that words cannot describe. Happy two months, sweet boy!

Love,
Mama and Daddy

Burke's Birth Story

Dear Sweet Baby Burke,

While your mama did everything she could to get you to come sooner than you did, you decided to make your arrival in this big world on June 3, 2011. You started nudging me around 3am with some pretty consistent (and pretty painful) contractions. I knew I was going to get to meet you that day. It was with excitement and anticipation that I gritted my teeth through each contraction for the next two hours so that your daddy could get his last bit of much-needed rest. We finally checked into the hospital ready to deliver you around 7:30 that morning. Mama was feeling pretty good in between contractions. Daddy was full of nervous excitement.

When we checked in at the hospital, I was 4-5 centimeters dilated and still 90% effaced. We were definitely making progress! Ken came to photograph your birth story. And eventually Grandma and Uncle Jonah came too. For some reason, Mama's blood pressure was sky high the day you decided to be born and nothing they did could bring it down. I really wanted to try a natural birth, without the aid of an epidural, but the doctor finally "strongly encouraged" me to get one in order to bring my blood pressure down. Around 10:30 in the morning, I finally gave in and said okay. It was really hard to sit still for the epidural between my contractions, but once it was in effect, my blood pressure was back down to normal.

Labor after the epidural was a breeze. My legs felt sort of like your tongue does after getting novocaine at the dentist. Big, fat and yet feeling-less. (I know you don't know what that feels like, but if you're anything like Mama, you will eventually when you have to get braces). The only problem with labor was that everytime I had a contraction, your heart rate would plummet. Your head was very low in the birth canal, and each contraction tried to push you even further. You did not agree with this. So, for much of my labor, I had to wear a stinky oxygen mask to help enrich the oxygen you were getting.

Finally, around 1 pm, the doctor came in and broke my water. It was very busy on the labor and delivery ward that day and he couldn't get to us sooner, I suppose. When he broke my water, we discovered that you had decided to poop in utero, so we knew that we would need the neonatologist in the room for delivery to make sure all of the meconium was out of your lungs. You're just like your daddy there, little darling. It only took 3 hours once my water was broken for me to dilate 5 centimeters! By 4 pm, I was ready to push you into this world. We were all so excited to meet you!

It only took one push for Daddy to be able to get a glimpse of your little head. (I told you--you were really low). The nurse had me push 3 times during that contraction, each time pushing for 10 seconds. After that contraction subsided, however, the nurse called in the doctor. I knew it wasn't good, because they only call the doctor when the head has crowned, which I knew wasn't the case for us.



The doctor had me push three more times during the next contraction. But your heart rate just didn't want to cooperate. This time, though, it did not stabilize after the contraction like it had during labor. It stayed pretty low or else would jump all over the place. The doctor had me on my right side, my left side and on my hands and knees. Nothing would appease you, although the hands and knees position was the best. But the doctor knew it wasn't safe for me to try to push like that. It was too dangerous to you. He thought that your umbilical cord was wrapped around something, contributing to your stress. So, very calmly (and I give him credit there) he called for an operating room and made the decision to perform an emergeny c-section to deliver you.

While Mama cried many tears on her hands and knees, Daddy got prepped for surgery. I cried for many reasons, my dear baby, but most of all because I knew that I would not get to bond with you immediately after delivery now that I had to have a c-section. I cried because I wanted you to be okay. Healthy and vibrant. I cried because I wanted to nurse you right away and wouldn't be able to. But despite my tears, I knew that I would soon get to meet you and that gave me the strength to keep going. Daddy was very strong and courageous throughout this whole ordeal. He was very calm too, which is a remarkable thing for that daddy of your's. They wheeled me into the operating room and increased the dosage of my epidural to make sure that I would feel no pain. Once they had me prepped and ready, Daddy came in and stood by my side and watched the doctor bring you into this world. It all happened so fast and before I knew it, the doctor said "Okay, Dad, you call it" as he lifted you out of my belly. And after a few moments, I heard Daddy proudly say "It's a boy!!"

Mama's happy tears as she heard your cry for the first time

The doctors whisked you off to the corner of the operating room to make sure your lungs were cleared of the meconium and to do all the other tests that they normally do. You were very unamused by it all and screamed your sweet little head off. I LOVE YOUR CRY!

Once they had you checked out and wrapped up like a little burrito, the doctors handed you off to Daddy for the first time. Daddy brought you to my side and together we just stared at you in awe. You were so handsome! So perfect. Who were you? That's what we wanted to know. But since Mama couldn't move and hold you and explore your every part, we couldn't decide who you were in that moment. But we knew that we loved you so very, very much. We were so thankful you had arrived!

Although I couldn't move much to see you, I was able to sneak a few kisses. I'll never forget our first kiss, little Burke.

Or our second...

After stealing a few kisses, the nurses took you and Daddy to the nursery where they could weigh you and give you your first bath. Mama had to stay behind while the doctors put me back together. I couldn't wait to meet you again! And hold you and nurse you and never let you go. So I thought of our reunion while we were apart and the excitement of that moment got me through the long wait.

When Daddy came to see me in recovery and while you were getting your bath, he told me your weight and length. I could not believe it! You only weighed six pounds and eleven ounces. And you were only 18 3/4 inches long. What a tiny peanut! Everyone (well, not the doctors, but everyone else) kept telling me that you were going to be at least eight pounds based on the size of my belly (it was big!). And here you were, just a little guy. Mama was so happy! That meant you would be a baby just a little bit longer. And I vowed to enjoy every moment. FINALLY, my love, we were reunited. You nursed like a hungry little pro and I just loved you up. I couldn't believe you were my baby. (I still can't, really). And, then, we were a FAMILY!

No amount of pain was too much. You were worth fighting for and you always will be. I love you, Burke! Thank you so much for blessing Mommy and Daddy. We treasure you so much and always will.

xoxo,
Mama

The Art of Waiting...

"All good things take time" and "for everything there is a season." So why am I rushing this precious child from my womb? I certainly want it to be healthy and fully developed. To be the perfect creation that God intended. And so I am learning the art of waiting. And I have been reminded by Mother Nature just how special of a gift this art can be when truly perfected. A look at our garden reminds me that even the flowers and vegetables must wait to awaken to their full potential. We must wait for the seed to sprout and grow and blossom and finally yield fruit or vegetables or just the beauty that was intended.

Another Dr's appointment yesterday. It seems like I live there these days, and yet I can't wait to go as I eagerly anticipate that they'll tell me that my body has progressed even further. No such luck this time. Still the same as last week.

I do praise God for my health and for the baby's health. While we joke that the reward for unhealthiness is induction and getting to meet your baby sooner than later, and too bad I'm so healthy, it is truly just that. And when I stop to think about it, it's not really funny at all. I would never want to compromise the health or safety of my baby simply for my own selfish timetable or impatience. So I learn to wait. And in the waiting, to praise my Maker for keeping me healthy and for creating such a perfect, unique creation that I have the privilege of bearing and raising.

If there is still no baby, I will return to the Dr's again on Monday for another exam and a non-stress test. They like to monitor the baby's heartrate once it is past the due date, just to make sure the baby is not in any distress.

And, if there is still no baby on Thursday, June 9, then it looks like that will be our sweet baby's birthday. The doctor scheduled me for induction on that day. While it is still NINE days away (which feels like an eternity at this point), I am thankful that it is only nine days away. They could have scheduled me even further out. So I thank my doctor for showing compassion in that regard.

So like the blossoming plants inhabiting our garden, I too will continue to wait for my season to come. But not begrudgingly. With a happy heart. A heart that trusts the goodness of her Father and the perfection of His timing.

Impatience is not a virtue

No one ever told me that the last few weeks of pregnancy would be the hardest and most emotionally challenging weeks of my experience. But here we are--right in the middle of it. Eight days until my due date and this week has been brutal. It all started a few weeks ago when I went for my 36-week appointment and the doctor told me that I was already 2 centimeters dilated and that my cervix was soft and thinned out. I knew in my mind that people could be like this for a while before giving birth, so while I was optimistic that I'd deliver a little early, I tried not to get too excited. But that was impossible. Everyone told me that delivery was just a few days away.

The next week, I asked the doctor to check me to see whether there had been any progress. I mean, no contractions, no signs of labor--and I was already 2 cm. and effaced?? I'll take it! She obliged me (got to love those pushy first-time moms!) and told me that I was still 2 cm. dilated but she said that my cervix was 90% effaced. Everyone told me that delivery was just right around the corner.

On Tuesday of this week I had my 38-wk appointment with one of the midwives at the practice. She graciously offered an internal exam to see whether there had been any progress. I had moved up in the world! I was now 3 cm. dilated, my cervix was still 90% effaced and she told me that the head was in -1 station, meaning it was below the break-even point of my pelvis and fully engaged. This was all good news! "Keep doing what you're doing," she said. So I did. And more. Walking, climbing stairs, walking, squatting, lifting, laying flooring... You name it, I did it! And wouldn't you know those contractions started coming about 7-8 minutes apart Tuesday evening. They gradually increased in their intensity and I knew this was the start of my labor. These were not the Braxton Hicks of the past few weeks. They didn't take my breath away yet, but they didn't feel cozy either.

We thought for sure that Tuesday night or Wednesday we'd get to meet our darling little baby. But my contractions died off during the night. They did resume activity upon waking Wednesday morning, and were back at 7-8 minutes by the time I left for work. So I decided to wrap up all of the loose ends there and begin my maternity leave, since delivery was obviously impending. Sometime after lunch, though, the contractions again died off. So we tried everything we had heard yet again...walking, spicy Mexican food (although I'm pretty sure the baby's immune to spicy stuff since I ate it the entire pregnancy), even bowling. I thought for sure it was going to be Wednesday night or Thursday when my contractions were 6 minutes apart for over an hour and so strong that Ben had to remind me to breathe through them. Why didn't we go to the hospital then? I could be holding my sweet baby in my arms right now if we had. But the pink card said to call when the contractions were 5 minutes apart for an hour... I'm such an obedient student.

Once again, the contractions waned overnight, although not as abruptly as the night before. It wasn't until about 3 am that they finally came to a halt...at which point, I had not slept much more than a wink in between contractions. We both felt beat down when Thursday morning rolled around and I was still pregnant, with no contractions and bags under our eyes. Maybe pancakes would do the trick. No luck there. I even tried the breast pump. Everything and anything, busting myth after myth until... I ended up with a tear-streaked face, puffy red eyes and a snotty nose as I tried to pull myself together with quick little gasps, but unmercifully kept falling apart instead. I couldn't do it anymore. No more hope. I felt abandoned. Not by Ben or anyone here. But God certainly couldn't care about me at this point. I mean, how could He tease me like that? How could my body play such games with me? It was an up and down roller coaster for 3 solid days and I derailed. I was, officially, done.

And in the shower, as I stood there washing off the sweat and grime of a 90 degree day, without tears or words or prayers, I started humming...

Everlasting. Your light will shine when all else fades.
Neverending. Your glory goes beyond all fame.

My heart and my soul, I give you control.
Consume me from the inside out Lord.

I couldn't remember all of the lyrics. And I was so surprised to find myself humming this song, because when I did think about the lyrics I could remember, I knew my mind and my heart were not in a place to utter any of those words with conviction. I had been so self-absorbed. So focused on my own timeframe and controlling the outcome of my delivery that I didn't want to know what God thought about it all. I had just gotten finished saying that I felt abandoned by His love. And yet, I kept humming this. The same parts. Over and over. And after I had dried off from my shower and finally sat down on the couch, I realized that I was okay. Of course I still wanted to meet my child. Badly. But I was going to be okay. It was as though I had washed the control right down the drain with the sweat and grime of the 90 degree day.

I slept like a baby. Still no contractions. But it's in His time. And He knows best.

A Tease...

Last week at this time, I went to the doctor's for my regular check-up and to my surprise found out that I was already 2 cm. dilated and my cervix was soft and thinned. All good signs that I would soon meet my baby. But here we are, one week later, and still no baby. Other than stronger, more consistent braxton hicks, I have experienced no other signs of labor. What a tease!

But, one week ago, I did get one last look at my baby from the inside.

My how you've grown, child. I remember one of my early ultrasounds when my uterus was just the size that your head is now. I do hope I get to meet you soon! I have fallen in love with those full lips and up-turned nose. And I am excited to see some hair even! Please come out. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and kiss you all over. And I also hope that you'll come out soon so that I can have a tiny baby to hold. Since they estimated that you weighed 6lbs 11oz last week, I think you are just fine! And now you're considered full term, so all of your parts are ready to work in the real world.

Come on out, Baby!

With One On the Way

So I mentioned that we would soon be welcoming our first child into this world. Here we are--just 8 short weeks away from my due date of June 4. Will Baby P come early, late or just on time?

We chose to not find out whether Baby P is a boy or a girl. There are very few surprises in our adult life, and being one who loves surprises (yes, I'm still as excited on Christmas Day as I was when I was a child), I didn't want to ruin this one.

 I often wonder who Baby P will look like. Will Baby P have hair? (I do hope so with the heartburn I've had)! What will his or her personality shape to be? What will it be like to hold Baby P in my arms for the very first time? How will I feel? What is that love like? Is it as unfathomable as it seems to me right now?



Will you look like Mama?



Or like Daddy?





 



One thing I know for sure. No matter when you come, or who you look like or how you act, you will be loved. By Mama and Daddy and so many more. Even Rutherford is already protective of you. He lays by my feet and waits by my side--he even lays at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me to come back down.



So fatten up and grow well inside of Mama. We can't wait to meet you!!